Struggles of a Blocked Solar Plexus Chakra

The solar plexus is one of the most challenging chakras for me. I definitely have some blocks in this area. I would love to say that I am super confident in myself, in my body, in my abilities, but I would be lying. Most of the time, I am not. I second guess myself all the time, I question my abilities, my decision making… I've shared this before but right now, I am also struggling to feel confident in my skin. 2019 was all about surviving and working through my chronic illness. I lost a lot of weight, mostly muscle, hard-earned muscle at that. I lost strength, conditioning, and with it a lot of my self-esteem. Before getting super sick, I used to feel powerful, unstoppable, and like a total badass on the gym floor.

This is what happens when we hang our worth on impermanent things. Things that can be taken away from us in an instant - our looks, our titles, our bank account, the house we live in, our relationships. Now I am working on building my self-worth regardless of how I look like, of not having an amazing paycheck every two weeks, of not affording expensive trips, a new car. I am working on being confident in the essence of me. In my truth. I am blessed to have people around me that remind me of my essence, of the good in me every day. I have a husband who never fails to make me feel beautiful, sexy, smart, funny (it's hard for me to accept all of it, and super easy to disregard it as - he's my husband, he has to say those things - even tho I know that's total BS and he truly means it), I have a best friend, a soul sister @ashleysathornton who regardless of the mayhem that is her life, drops everything to jump on the phone with me and give me a one-hour pep talk when I ask her for "just 5 minutes" of her time. Ashley, thank you for loving me unconditionally. You have no idea what your love for me, your confidence in me, of you tirelessly choosing to see the good in me, supporting and entertaining every single one of my 23872039420394 daily ideas, does for me. You make my life better by having you in it. It's beyond words. I have people who come out of left field too, strangers, people from lifetimes ago, people I am starting to reconnect with again, friends that have remained close to me regardless of geographical location, that also help me when I am feeling helpless, clueless, stuck. Even without knowing how I am feeling, they randomly send me a message with kind and empowering words. The universe is beautiful like that. Sends you angels to deliver the exact words you need to hear to continue moving forward. I know I have fire. I feel it burning deep in my belly. It's buried underneath fears, doubts, traumas, old believes that no longer serve me. As I continue to work on myself, to peel those layers off, one by one, I feel it coming closer to the surface. But in the meantime, I have a couple of people who, full of all the love in the world, show me who I really am, who they see, they show me..."me"... through their eyes. And that glimpse fuels me to continue along my path… I am truly blessed to have this support system, I know many of us haven't always had that, or feel like we have no one right now. To those of you who feel they lack that support in their lives, I hope sharing my story fuels you. Inspires you to continue moving forward. May I be a mirror to your powerful essence. To the truth of who you are. Because at the end of the day, whether we see it or not, we are all perfect, we are all LOVE.